


One Step Away

by Your_Friendly_Neighborhood_Pigeon



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Depression, M/M, supportive bfs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-07
Updated: 2017-01-07
Packaged: 2018-09-15 14:23:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9238859
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Your_Friendly_Neighborhood_Pigeon/pseuds/Your_Friendly_Neighborhood_Pigeon
Summary: Lifting his gaze, Matsukawa sighs, staring out the window. One wrong move, one wrong step, and he’ll be done for. So he keeps his lips sealed, closes his eyes, and smiles that tight-lipped smile that reassures his friends that he’s okay.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is just something I wrote to sort of get out of my writer's funk because I hate everything I've written all this week so I just sat down and wrote this so ye

He’s walking a very thin line, tight-roping across the length of rope. One wrong move, and he’ll topple off and crash to the ground, everything spilling out and creating a disgusting mess that no one would want to clean up. 

 

Lifting his gaze, Matsukawa sighs, staring out the window. One wrong move, one wrong step, and he’ll be done for. So he keeps his lips sealed, closes his eyes, and smiles that tight-lipped smile that reassures his friends that he’s okay. 

 

“You seem a bit down today,” Oikawa comments. 

 

“Are you tired?” Iwaizumi asks, concern in his green eyes. 

 

“I’m always here to talk, just so you know,” Hanamaki whispers, his touch feather light as he brushes by between classes. 

 

Matsukawa simply sighs, rolling his shoulders up into a shrug and offering up a lazy smile. “You know me,” he says, misstepping, foot slipping, “I’m just always tired.” He slips, body tilting, feet leaving the tightrope. His smile slides away slightly, but then he reaches out, hands curling over the rope before he can truly fall. He looks up to his friends, the tears being held back another day. “I’m perfectly fine, really,” he lies, struggling to lift himself back onto the rope. 

 

* * *

 

He’s alone in his room, music filling his ears as he stares down at his paper. His hands begin to shake, his eyes water, and it’s all becoming too much and he knows he needs to let himself fall so that he won’t break later on. 

 

The thing is, he’s scared of falling. Matsukawa has no idea what will happen when he falls. Will he be left to somehow get back up on his own? Or will he be left on the ground, left to collect dust and wither away from everyone’s memories? 

 

Taking a shaky breath, he closes his eyes. 

 

A knock sounds out through the loud music, and he quickly turns around, schooling his expression. He clears his throat, turns down his music. “Yeah?”

 

“Your friends are over, sweetie,” his mother calls, voice casual, a sure sign that she doesn’t know her son is a step away from crumbling into a pile of nothing. 

 

“Oh, okay, send them up,” he calls, frantically grabbing his phone. He checks his face, makes sure that they won’t be able to tell. He finishes the moment the door flies open, Oikawa making his presence known as he stomps over. Matsukawa feels warmth enter his veins when he sees Oikawa’s wide and happy smile. The stormy cloud hesitates, backing up slowly once it sees Hanamaki grinning, Iwaizumi smiling softly, and Matsukawa knows he can make it another day. 

 

* * *

 

He never knows why it happens, why he shakes with the fear of breaking for real. He just knows that he probably has no good reason for it. His life isn’t that bad at all. His mother is a caring and sweet lady, his three boyfriends being like little pieces of heaven; always making his days brighten up. 

 

It just happens. He remembers his dad on random days, how he looms over him and sneers, spitting out insults about how nothing he ever does it good enough. It hits him, slaps him across the face, and he’s left with the knowledge that maybe he’s right. 

 

He remembers how lonely it is at home. How cold it is. How his mother leaves him money to get food, how she leaves him messages, apologizing that she has to work again. 

 

He’s not the best, nor will he ever be. He’s no one’s first pick, he isn’t the one people turn to when they need help. He’s just....himself. Nothing special. Just passing through life, right on the edge, just enough to get by. 

 

And no one has a clue. 

 

* * *

 

At least, no one before ever has. It’s Iwaizumi who catches it first. 

 

He’s in the gym during practice, watching as Hanamaki goes to spike. He feels no motivation to try, so he jumps, arms limp and the block weak. The point is easily earned from Hanamaki. With a small smile and a weak chuckle, he shrugs and apologizes, the promise to do better slipping passed his lips. 

 

He’s pulled to the side after practice, t-shirt off, mind elsewhere. When Iwaizumi pulls him closer, Matsukawa drops his shirt, eyebrows pulled together in confusion. Iwaizumi doesn’t hesitate, leaning forward to slot their lips together into a searing kiss. 

 

Instantly, Matsukawa flickers back to life, blush spreading down his neck. He’s quick to lift his hands, gently cupping Iwaizumi’s cheeks. It ends all too soon, though, Iwaizumi getting hit by a shirt thrown at him by Oikawa, Hanamaki snickering and saying something along the lines of  _ “not in front of the children, you  _ _ heathens _ _!”  _

 

Iwaizumi glares, no ounce of embarrassment on his face. He quickly looks back at Matsukawa, voice lowering into a whisper. “If you’re ever down, just talk to us, okay?” 

 

Matsukawa is so stunned that it takes Hanamaki forcefully shoving his shirt over his head for him to shake out of the shock. 

 

* * *

 

Oikawa is the next one to fully notice the small crack in Matsukawa, the sign that he could break any moment.

 

He pulls him aside during lunch, eyes wide, fingers shaking. “When’s the last time you ate?”

 

Matsukawa blinks. Squints. He can’t remember. “Um, three days...but it’s not a big deal, I just forget sometimes.”

 

Oikawa instantly shakes his head, eyes filling with tears. Matsukawa is promptly startled, and he reaches out, hands not knowing where to go. Oikawa beats him, however, and gently lifts his own hands, grabbing both of Matsukawa’s. He tugs Matsukawa forward, gently yanking on him until he bends down in confusion. 

 

Oikawa leans forward, brushing his lips against Matsukawa’s forehead. He squeezes his hands tightly. “If you ever don’t want to eat alone, then we’re one phone call away,” he says, pulling away and dragging him back to their lunch. 

 

Matsukawa is given half of Oikawa’s bento, Iwaizumi’s drink, and Hanamaki even gives him some cream puffs. He’s not sure what to say, throat dry, tears threatening to fall. Even so, he forces a wobbly smile on his face and thanks them. 

 

* * *

 

Hanamaki is last. It’s not that he doesn’t pay attention, it’s just that sometimes he doesn't look close enough. 

 

It happens during a morning practice. Matsukawa looks away, off court, at one of the windows. He finds sunlight to be nice to look at, but finds it strange that his three boyfriends seem to shine brighter than the sun. 

 

A volleyball is thrown, there’s a call, and he turns his head a moment too late, the volleyball crashing against his face. Pain instantly sparks near his nose, and when he focuses his attention back towards the situation, he finds Hanamaki holding a tissue to his nose, lip pulled between his teeth in worry. 

 

“I’m so sorry, Issei,” he whispers, voice shaking. “I-I thought you were paying attention, I--”

 

Matsukawa chuckles lightly, lifting his hand to hold the tissue himself. “It’s fine, I don’t care if I get hurt.”

 

Hanamaki freezes. Matsukawa pales. 

 

“You should care,” Hanamaki says, nervously looking at him. “Getting hurt, getting injured, isn’t a good thing. You should care, Issei, because that’s a dangerous mindset to have.”

 

Matsukawa knows what he’s thinking, but he’s never done anything like that, nor does he want to. He might’ve thought of it before, but he never went through with it. He could never live with the guilt of hurting himself. 

 

“You’re right,” he mumbles, sighing. 

 

Hanamaki then grabs Matsukawa’s hand, lifting it up to place a kiss to his knuckles. He looks at his wrist, the clear and smooth skin. “If you ever are hurting--” he pauses, looking at Matsukawa’s chest. He then lifts a hand, placing it there. “Even if the hurting isn’t noticeable, you can still come to us.” 

 

Matsukawa blinks. 

 

Then he breaks. 

 

* * *

 

 

He’s in the locker room, pouring his heart out, voice shaking. Iwaizumi stares, eyebrows pulled together as he listens. Oikawa is next to him, head tilted, ears listening. Hanamaki sits beside him, playing with Matsukawa’s fingers as he listens.

 

Matsukawa takes a deep breath once he finishes. Instantly, Iwaizumi lurches forward, arms wrapping around him. Oikawa makes a noise of surprise, but he, too, throws himself into the hug. Hanamaki simply laughs, joining in as well. 

 

Matsukawa smiles, ever so slightly. Because he should’ve listened all along,should’ve talked, should’ve come to them earlier. His chest feels lighter, the dark cloud growing lighter. 

 

With their help, he’s surprised at how quickly he’s able to get up again. 

**Author's Note:**

> Yay 
> 
> tumblr: seijouho


End file.
